Push or Pull? A Teacher Reflection Guide for Motivating Students

When we are in a balanced relationship with colleagues or students, we know when to push and when to pull. Pushing is when we feel heavy, when there is some weight to what is going on. Some of us like to be pushed, or even thrive on it. Being pushed can help some of us show up more fully as ourselves. On the other hand, some people really are uncomfortable with being pushed and when they feel it they shut down. One example of pushing is when a teacher stands over a student and says, “If you don’t pass this test you are going to fail my class.” Or a teacher might be pushing a student by having a one on one conference with a student and helping him by showing him an advanced writing technique and guiding him to try it out.

We can also choose to pull instead of push. Pulling is when you are curious, when there is space to move and you want to step into it. One example of pulling is during a faculty meeting when the facilitator asks a question and then waits a long time for someone to speak. During that long pause of silence we will all feel the pull of that space. Someone will eventually speak up and fill it up. The more comfortable we are with being pulled the more ok we are with silence and space. When we are uncomfortable with being pulled we try to fill that empty space right away. Another example that comes to mind is when a teacher shows an example of a chemical reaction and then asks the students, “What do you think caused this?” Then he gives students time and space to try to figure it out on their own.

Pushing and pulling are neither good or bad, but do create different reactions in different people. The key move I have learned is to feel into when I might want to push and when I might want to pull in a relationship. This is true with myself, with colleagues, with students and their families. I’ll offer a few examples of pushing and pulling moves below and then give you some space to reflect and list your own.

Choosing to Push

Choosing to push yourself and others is not solely based on what you do, but also your intention and how you do it. Here are a few ways that teachers have shared with me that they choose to push others.

• Create firm deadlines.

• Give concrete criteria with little choice or flexibility.

• Explaining expectations toward an end product or grade.

• Telling others exactly what they need to do.

• Comparing work with a clear “right” way to do it.

• Showing success criteria or handing out a rubric before an assignment is due.

• Make something a competition with winners and losers.

When you read this list this may have felt a little uncomfortable or negative, but think about how you motivate yourself. I know when I want to get back into training for triathlons after a hiatus I tend to create training plans with clear expectations and track my progress. This can work for me, albeit not for everyone. Or I have some students who ask for the deadline and clear and explicit directions for every assignment because they are uncomfortable with the ambiguity of student choice.

Every person is a bit different in how they respond to being pushed, but it can be a wise relationship move to choose to use it when we think it will help. Please note that pushing someone who is not comfortable with it at the wrong time could lead to a total meltdown or shutdown so look for cues that the person is going to be able to handle the push. When in doubt, I ask the person if they want to be pushed and see what they say.

Choosing to Pull

Choosing to pull can be a way to spark curiosity and enthusiasm. Here are a few ways that teachers have shared with me that they choose to pull others to move in a direction.

• Offering choice.

• Leading with open-ended and genuine questions.

• Being silent.

• Giving time to think and be still.

• Tapping into authentic curiosity.

• Letting experiences be purposefully ambiguous.

• Not showing examples or giving criteria ahead of time

Some of the ideas on this list may seem obvious, like offering choice, and others may feel crazy, like being silent and purposefully ambiguous, but both create space for others to step into being more fully engaged. Think of it this way, when a student asks me how long the paper has to be I can either give them a typical teacher response and take charge saying, “It must be at least two pages long” or I can pull to motivate the student to be more engaged. I may instead say, “Well think about your audience for the paper and what your purpose for writing it is. How long do you think it would take to meet your goals?” While some students do not like these ambiguous answers, it teaches them that they are in charge and also pulls on them to think a lot more than me giving the strict parameters.

Just like I explained in the pushing section, it is not always wise to use pulling with others as some are so uncomfortable with it, but choosing to pull almost always gets people to move in some direction. At the very least, it gives them space and autonomy to make choices about what to do next. When I am unsure about when to push and when to pull, for example when I am meeting a new person and I don’t know them well yet, I tend to use pull instead of push. This has not always been my pattern, but over the past few years I have learned to be more comfortable with the quiet spaces, the longer pauses, and the gray areas because I have seen relationships transform when people have space and time to show up as themselves.

Reflect

Make your own list of what feels like pushing and pulling to you. Then reflect on what you tend to use and what you are most and least comfortable with.

Design a feedback form to ask students what motivates them. Depending on the age of your students, ask them to share exmaples of what feels motivating and then sort it into push or pull.

Be open to nuance. Notice that the context and the relationship create very different responses to feeling pushed or pulled.